My Wonder...

I've been doing alot of thinking lately...Thinking about ALOT of things...Wondering what the reason is for some things that have happened..and wondering if the things that have happened will go bad for some reason...There is alot of wonder in my blood right now...and I'm not sure where or who to go to to find the answers to all my wonders.

I have been doing alot of praying, I cry sometimes because I don't know really how to pray...I feel like i'm talking to myself sometimes begging the wind to hear me...There was a time way back in my life where things were as bad as I think they could ever get...I was in the shower just crying my heart out...begging and asking HIM to make me feel better...to make all this pain go away...to give me a sign that everything was going to be ok. And do you know what happened. I stood up off the shower floor,( like someone was lifting me up) and I felt a relief like all the worries I had, had just gone down that drain never to be seen again. I feel like that is what faith feels like. It was warming and soooo unbelievably comforting. And low and behold I am at a point in my life that on that day...before the shower...I thought would NEVER come.
I have come to another obstacle in the path of my life...I have been praying and trying to get that feeling back that I had in the shower that day...but I feel as though i'm not doing it right, Is there a such thing as a "wrong" way to pray? Is he not giving me that feeling because it is not going to turn out "good"? Is he mad because I don't go to church?



In the last couple months I have done some "soul searching" I feel this tugging at my heart...like HE is pulling me...I have let go of alot of my worries, handed them over as you could say...I've had a feeling that I'm not in control...whatever will happen will happen and is meant to be...and with that, I have found a calmness...I don't feel as stressed about Life...But i can't help but wonder still what is in store for me and the rest of my life?



"Claire de Lune"....By: Debussy.....AMAZING and soooooo calming...